Fresh Box of the NOW!

2 lb Washington Braeburn Apple
2 cnt Mango
2 lb Riverside Minneola Tangelo Citrus, orange
1 pnt Salinas Strawberries
1 pnt Mixed Medley Tomato, cherry
1lb Santa Barbara Mixed Cucumber
1bu Capay Farm Nantes Carrot
.5 lb Chico Fresh Kiwi
.5 lb Salinas Snap Peas
.5 lb Salinas Salad mix Lettuce, loose

Has the 'organized gay' led us down the wrong path?

I had a real intense conversation with a gay coworker today about the recent rulings and laws that have come down around the issue of the rights of gay couples to get married. In the course of our discussion we talked about the term "gay community."

We talked about how disappointing the No on 8 campaign was - and he said he felt the worst about how the gay community treated and continues to treat gay people for whom gay marriage isn't their pet issue. My coworker felt that while he identified as a gay man and has a partner of many years that he didn't feel part of a 'gay community' nor does he feel compelled to seek it out - - - if it even exists in the first place.

Marriage isn't #1 on their radars - they have wills, domestic partnership papers, power of attorneys and all the documentation and legal power of married heterosexual couples. (minus federal recognition and tax status)

I spoke up that I thought many people in the community feel that getting out about gay marriage is a solidarity issue - that folks should get out and help the cause even if it's not their #1 issue. His response was that it's unrealistic to think that gay people (or ANY people for that matter) will rally unanimously around any issue - leave alone this issue.

It was like a lightbulb came on.... the more I thought about it.

To negatively judge a gay person that doesn't entry the fray screaming like Don Quixote with their pocketbooks or ballot box is a poor choice that will have far-reaching negative impact. We're no better than the religious right if we decide to demonize our brothers and sisters that don't put gay marriage at the front of their own personal path to equal civil rights for everyone.

and I realized that I had lost the wider-view....

This conversation stuck with me really hard - and then I had a 45 minute phone conversation with Brett septimuswarren about the "Day of Silence" at his school and other issues. and while out on Kateywalk^tm I gave some thought as to what I might say here on my blog.

here we go....

We can all recall how the blogosphere felt the first few days after Prop 8 passed in November. The biggest lesson it had for me was the abolition of my notion that I moved to a liberal state when I moved to California.

The California of 1979 perhaps - yes. California in 1979 was 60% white and Democrat. 30 years later California is 48% white and a destination for immigrants. Immigrants tend to vote Republican - and I'm not talking "right wing whacko republican" - but simply for the traditional GOP platform of less government. All the charts from the November election showed the incredible divide California has on social issues. The divide pretty well matches the percentages of the vote.

I think if the NO on 8 folks had run a campaign on civil rights vs. the campaign about marriage the YES on 8 folks ran; we would have come out on the winning side last November.

Even with that conservative immigrant driven change in political demographics coupled with an embarrassing No on 8 Campaign - the measure only passed by 2.5%. Anywhere else in the country that would have been an incredible election even with the loss. Other states passed these amendments with 67% approval (Idaho) or higher.

To lose that measure by such a slim margin - was/is/should be heartbreaking.

....but back to my point.

What do I think the turning point in this debate over our rights is? I think that the battle will turn dramatically when it's about gay equality on EVERY issue; not just marriage equality. Why? Because then it becomes a movement everyone can get behind; not just those progressives and queers that want to get married.

nudewoody posted an essay by Bob Ostertag Historian, Journalist, and Professor of Technocultural Studies and Music at UC Davis back in December that I've read and re-read. (entire posting here)

..."Gay marriage" turns the real issues of equal rights for sexual minorities upside down and paints us into a reactionary little corner of our own making. Yes, married people get special privileges denied to others. Denied not to just gays and lesbians, but to all others. Millions of straight people remain unmarried, and for a huge variety of reasons, from mothers whose support networks do not include their children's fathers, to hipsters who can't relate to religious institutions. We could be making common cause with them. We could be fighting for equal rights for everyone, not just gays and lesbians, but for all unmarried people. In the process we would leave religious institutions to define marriage however their members see fit.

That's how you win at politics, isn't it? You build principled coalitions that add up to a majority, and try not to hand potent mobilizing issues to your opposition in the process.
We (the gay community, the 'organized' gay) have done the opposite. Instead of tearing down the walls of privilege enjoyed by the nuclear family, we are demanding our own place at the married couples' table (leaving all those other unmarried people out in the cold)...

...The fact is most of us won't marry even if we have the right to. We are putting all our resources into winning a right that only the few of us in long-term conventional couple relationships will enjoy. What's more, we are creating a social climate in which young queers are encouraged to recast their vision of the relationships they seek to favor the married couple. This is not only a loss for the vibrancy of queer culture, it is a disservice to young people who will not be well served by their nuclear family ambitions. Just consider the high number of gay and lesbian divorces (yes, the rate is already high despite the fact that we have not even fully won the right to marry yet).

It is no secret that marriage isn't working for straight people. That's why religious institutions are so up in arms about it. The institution of marriage is in crisis. On what basis does anyone imagine it is going to work better for queers?"

Here's a few questions that I'd like to put to you....

1) Have organizations that represent the 'organized gay' (e.g. The Human Rights Campaign, The Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund or The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force) lost the "wider-view" in their response to the marriage equality issue?

2) If yes - we have lost our wider 'rights view' - how do we address, politically, the wide variety of opinions in our ranks as GLBT Americans without devaluing someone because they don't share our opinion on what our "civil rights" priorities should be? How should the leadership of these organizations respond to this dynamic?

3) If you feel that a focused - narrower defense against marriage equality is the right tactic - how do we do so without alienating part of our community that disagrees with that tactic. How do we engage them rather than dismiss them, which has been the prevailing behavior?

I really want to hear your points of view. This discussion is the most important one we can have - how do we make the journey towards civil rights for GLBT people one that everyone can get behind?