reservoirs...

[thoreau]

Men talk about Bible miracles because there is no miracle in their lives. Cease to gnaw that crust. There is ripe fruit over your head.
- HD Thoreau

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Last night I had a great dinner out and conversation with my friend David. One of our topics was about redirecting the energy in our lives. We both have had situations in our lives in the last months that were tremendous challenges - mine personal, his professional.

We talked about the toxicity of the energy we were both carrying with ourselves throughout the winter/spring - and how we both have been purposefully meditating on how to change the flavor of that energy - so it doesn't keep a negative space in our lives - even when the subject matter changes and we both move on into what is next in our lives.

We talked about how when we go through a grieving process - no matter the subject or reason - that there is this reservoir of energy our mind creates as protect ourselves - this reservoir of intense and powerful energy is what we use to get ourselves through the hardest, darkest parts of the process. and what are we to do with that energy? Where does that energy go? Does it steam away or fall away like hot ash, only to be recreated in another time of need? or do we unintentionally (or intentionally) store it within ourselves - tainting the positive steps we are making forward with the litte remnants of the highly-charged negative energy.

You'll be hearing more about my friendship with David - he has all sorts of projects in mind that I will be exploring with him. He has some really exciting projects coming around creating community for ourselves and creating a space for men to explore parts of themselves that aren't necessarily "safe" or "comfortable" to find new insight into themselves. and let the group or groups of men that are created define the activities to make them very personalized and accessible.

Paired with the discussions I had with Woody on Tuesday - it's more proof that the universe is really in tune right now; delivering me these amazing friends to share really quite intense ideas with. Tonight is dinner with my friend Carl, then perhaps an early night's sleep. My brain is tired. but in a real good, rich way.

I have an interview with a new lifecoach on Sunday afternoon. That should prove interesting. This new coach specializes in helping people explore interests in leather and fetish work. One of the things I have been discussing with my therapist lately - is that a lot of my needs personally post-Rick and post-Jon have been in ASKING for what I want - particularly in the way I communicate and want to be communicated with sexually. so - this is going to be part of that exploration in asking for what I want and finding it.

I'll continue to work with my therapist - on issues of "deserving what I want" - and "how do I define the relationship I want? how do I define the love in my life to nurture?" - and I realize that 13% of my financial budget is now going towards working on my issues. but - if not now, when?

Comments

[cubdaddy.livejournal.com]

Interesting.

[kbearblog.livejournal.com]

I sense some thought provoking post coming up!

[bearzendurham.livejournal.com]

I like the idea of changing the "flavor" of energy.

I wonder, though, if there's something to be had for the zen idea of simply letting go (again and again . . . it certainly doesn't happen when you just decide to let go) of the negative energy. . . and allowing that "reservoir of intense and powerful energy" to find it's way to your surface.

Just a thought.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Ah ... to have the money for a budget .... *sigh* ....

Beautifully articulated, Bob ...