threshold

[thoreau]

well - I started my tattoo road today. Each experience in life lets us learn something new about ourselves and see new sides of ourselves. Here are my raw thoughts - after beginning my tattoo today.

I learned that getting tattoed takes me to a very dark place. It was extraordinarily painful - and we only got about 1/3 of the way done. I chose to stop - and come back on a later date(s) and finish it up. My artist was very understanding.

The reason that the pain side of SM has never worked for me - is that I don't find any pleasure at all from receiving pain. I've had some of my friends say how tattooing gave them an erection - or that they found it very erotic. As soon as the needle hit my skin - my brain said "you are hurting yourself on purpose, what the fuck!" and took me to a very scared place. I started shaking at one point - and the artist said that he could see the muscles in my neck flexing. Being hurt - does nothing but feel like I'm being hurt - and takes me back to a frightened injured child space that's pretty intense to experience at nearly 40.

It'll probably take three more one hour sessions to get it completely outlined - then filled in. over the next six to eight weeks. but I'll take it at my own pace - and as I can tolerate getting it done.

I'm going to go lay down for while.

The good news is - that it looks - beautiful. and no matter how many sessions it takes to complete - I'm going to be happy having the orca glyph on my body.

Comments

[osodecanela.livejournal.com]

There's a very thin line between pain & pleasure; clearly there are times when the line shifts. For myself there have been times when a stimulation that was previously ecstatically pleasurable, becomes painful and uncomfortable. I've heard of people who get off on body piercings, tattoos, or other bodily modifications; I doubt I would be one of them, however.

Of note, I accompanied my then lover to the piercing parlor, to have his frenum done. I was there for moral support and held his hand. The needle went through, he sprouted a powerful woody, then damn near fainted, and nearly threw up. Thank the Gods he was lying down.

[furrbear.livejournal.com]

With piercing or tattooing, I've always gotten the endorphin 'kick' but never had an overt sexual response. My first tat was the right calf, which is supposed to be a sensitive spot. When the needle hit, I didn't even flinch, just zoned out on the sensation.

The 'pain' with any of the piercings has always left me with a 'that's it?' feeling, as if there should have been more sensation.