thoreau | threshold

threshold

well - I started my tattoo road today. Each experience in life lets us learn something new about ourselves and see new sides of ourselves. Here are my raw thoughts - after beginning my tattoo today.

I learned that getting tattoed takes me to a very dark place. It was extraordinarily painful - and we only got about 1/3 of the way done. I chose to stop - and come back on a later date(s) and finish it up. My artist was very understanding.

The reason that the pain side of SM has never worked for me - is that I don't find any pleasure at all from receiving pain. I've had some of my friends say how tattooing gave them an erection - or that they found it very erotic. As soon as the needle hit my skin - my brain said "you are hurting yourself on purpose, what the fuck!" and took me to a very scared place. I started shaking at one point - and the artist said that he could see the muscles in my neck flexing. Being hurt - does nothing but feel like I'm being hurt - and takes me back to a frightened injured child space that's pretty intense to experience at nearly 40.

It'll probably take three more one hour sessions to get it completely outlined - then filled in. over the next six to eight weeks. but I'll take it at my own pace - and as I can tolerate getting it done.

I'm going to go lay down for while.

The good news is - that it looks - beautiful. and no matter how many sessions it takes to complete - I'm going to be happy having the orca glyph on my body.

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It's wise to listen to your body when it tells you to take a break. I'm one of those people who who, well, getting an erection isn't quite accurate, but the pain makes me go to a different space, not erotic, but definitely not the same head space. Except the one of the bear paws in my crotch. That was just painful.

Mazel tov for you. Look forward to seeing it when it's done!

It is a very very odd place. I've gone there myself. My tolerances are higher and I've only once pushed them (5.5 hrs)... but I do recognize the spot in which you can feel your body almost achieve sentience and get up, smack you and leave. The whole "what in HELL are you doing to me on purpose, no less?" thing.

It definitely, for the bigger pieces, tends to push your head around a bit. Some people it doesn't matter but quite a few end up with lots to think about.

Sidenote... be prepared that tomorrow may end up as a day with extra teh hornies.

:P

and my artist did say - "you are being VERY ambitious for your first tattoo"... and boy howdy.

You know, I thought it was interesting how you used the words "pain" and "S&M" in the same sentence.

I always thought of "S&M" as working someone up through "discomfort" all the way to, but not past, the "pain" threshold, with the "pain" threshold being defined as a very dangerous place where the inflictee might react suddenly, instinctively and violently.

But, what would I know. I never finished the "course".

perhaps I did generalize when I used SM and pain in the same sentence. and I do appreciate your comments a lot. I don't know whether where I went was BAD experience - vs. - simply far far far more intense than I thought it was going to be.

I found my lessons to be... relaxing - much like a massage might be a bit... uncomfortable at times.

It's sort of like being caught in a rain storm. You can wince and tighten up and let every drop be an assault on your body or you can relax, get wet and live with it.

Hmmm, very interesting. I'll make a note of that. No pain when I have you tied up, chained, and otherwise restrained.

you mister - are a big old tease. and I love you for it.

Damn, am I that transparent? I gotta work on my subtleties. Subtle tease?

My very dear friend, I am sorry to hear your experience was so difficult. I have had work done on that same spot on me (Xanthus). It's not pleasant; in fact, I rank it up there as one of the worst spots, along with the corresponding area on the back. I had to mentally prepare myself every time I went in for a session. I swore like a sailor during most of it (though the more often Mike worked on it, the better I got at containing my outbursts; but not tolerating the pain). It took five different sessions to get the head done, spaced quite a bit far apart. The first was for the outline. The second to beef up the outline and do the preliminary shading. The last three were for the color. I'm here to tell you it doesn't get easier -- I won't lie to you -- but the end result will be worth it in the end. I can promise you that.

Now, a tip or two if you don't mind: I used this stuff on my tattoo called "Aquaphor." You can get it at any drug store. It's wonderful and really helped the healing and kept the scabbing to a minimum. Do not let the tattoo have free exposure to the air until it's pretty much healed. For me, I used the Aquaphor for about a week until the top layer of skin peeled off (I found the best place to do that was during my morning shower when what was ready to come off would peel easily as I lathered up with soap; the water ensured I wasn't peeling more skin than was ready to come up); that was normal. From that point for about another week (or depending on the place, until the skin felt normal to the touch again), I used "Nivea Soft" moisturizing cream with Jojoba Oil and vitamin E. Xanthus' colors stayed bright and the skin healed really well.

Otherwise, it's going to hurt for a few days, especially when you touch it. Do yourself a favor and wear a t-shirt to bed for the first week, as some of the ink (especially tonight and tomorrow) will leech out with your plasma normally.

Give yourself at least four-to-six weeks between sittings, so your body can recover, too. Don't rush it. You especially don't want him working on the same patch of skin that still healing.

Lastly, post a picture of what you had done. :) I'd love to see it.

Long-distance hugs and love,
pete

He's asked me to come back and continue the outline on the 29th - (the saturday you are here in town). tonight when I get home and can take the saran off - I'll have David take a photograph.

Sounds great. Did he tell you to give it a good scrubbing with a washcloth when you take the plastic wrap off? If not, make sure you do. :)

Also, if you can hop on IM for a sec, I have something to chat with you about quickly.

as Mr. Paradox says in his comment - I think the place it takes me to - is somewhere I'm very eager to RETURN from. and that it might turn out to be a truly transformative adventure.

Some people find pleasure in the pain, but others just find that it takes them to a different space -- maybe it lets them disassociate from their bodies, or maybe it takes them to an emotional place. Taking you to the "frightened injured child space" and then bringing you back could be considered by some to be a very successful session and can be very cathartic.

I think that in some ways, having this be a painful ordeal will actually increase the tattoo's value to you -- a coming-of-age kind of thing.

my thoughts were very raw when I posted. and I agree - the process of getting this done - is going to be remarkable. and take me to a new "place" personally. and - I'll be glad for it.

It seems to me that one of the things we've lost in our culture is the whole "rite of passage" tradition. Not only from childhood to adulthood, but other passages as well. I hope that this is all a positive experience for you.

i am confident is will be. and i know that the orca glyph belongs on me.

I did a 4.5 hour stint for mine, thinking it was only going to take three. Of course mine is in a much easer location - my shoulder. But at the end of it I felt ill and had to take things quietly for a few days. Given my time over again, I definitely would've done it over two sessions.

So are we gonna get progress pics, or are you gonna unveil it when it is finished?

There's a very thin line between pain & pleasure; clearly there are times when the line shifts. For myself there have been times when a stimulation that was previously ecstatically pleasurable, becomes painful and uncomfortable. I've heard of people who get off on body piercings, tattoos, or other bodily modifications; I doubt I would be one of them, however.

Of note, I accompanied my then lover to the piercing parlor, to have his frenum done. I was there for moral support and held his hand. The needle went through, he sprouted a powerful woody, then damn near fainted, and nearly threw up. Thank the Gods he was lying down.

With piercing or tattooing, I've always gotten the endorphin 'kick' but never had an overt sexual response. My first tat was the right calf, which is supposed to be a sensitive spot. When the needle hit, I didn't even flinch, just zoned out on the sensation.

The 'pain' with any of the piercings has always left me with a 'that's it?' feeling, as if there should have been more sensation.

You're certainly braver than I am... I would LOVE to have a tattoo. But don't think I could stand the pain - being the wus that I am!

*hugs*
xxx

Very wise to listen to your body and halt when you need to. It doesn't all have to be done at once.

For myself, I found the easiest one I've had done was around my nipple - that barely hurt at all. The hardest one was actually on my arse - the tatooist said it is because the skin there gets so little exposure it's highly sensitive. The two on my arms, well, they hurt, but in a way I could manage.

You will get there, and it will be worth it. But it's not a contest, you don't have to prove how macho you are over it, say stop when you need to. Big hugs.

Congratulations on beginning this journey. The pain is also a challenge for me. Earlier this year, my right sleeve was done in about twenty hours over six sessions each two weeks apart.

Each time I used distraction in the form of familiar but very intense music or video. In one session I used Bach toccatas and fugues. In another I used the movie Koyaanisqatsi. I concentrate on my breathing and consciously try to attenuate the sensations. I am a stubborn bastard and insist that my brain controls the intensity of the reaction and I am in control of my own brain. Yeah, it's a struggle to sit still and some days were better than others.

In the end, the pain is temporary. The resultant indelible image is a point of pride, a badge of honor, a symbol of achievement. It's totally worth it.

As you can imagine.. I have something to say about this... you know... Being not only tattooed, but.. into the pain thing..

Fakir talks about how when we consent to it, it is not pain, it is sensation.

That being said... I have tattoo across my lower back that hurt like a motherfucker, and I hated every agonizing moment of it. This from a guy who has been pierced with huge shark hooks, and who actually had one of the hottest sexual experiences while getting tattooed on my calf, which is another place that is supposed to be ueber painful: I was tied down to the table, and then when the tattooing got really bad, I was face fucked. That was fun. Maybe you could try that for your next appointment?

I share your views on the Pain/Pleasure principal. Pain hurts; pleasure shouldn't. I think the most telling sentence was: "Being hurt - does nothing but feel like I'm being hurt - and takes me back to a frightened injured child space that's pretty intense to experience at nearly 40." My friend

madisonbear has a high tollerance for pain, and has several tatoos. We joke that he looks forward to it due to his Catholic upbringing: "We deserve to suffer as we are inherently sinful." You don't fit this profile.

For me, pain is a useful signal our body gives telling us that something is wrong and/or something is to be avoided.

That said, you may have to explain to me just exactly what makes this drawn out process (Pun noted, but not intended) worthwhile for you.

Congrats on your first session!

Everyone has a different reaction to getting inked; a lot depends on well-established pain thresholds, the skill of the artist as well as your mental state when you place yourself beneath that buzzing needle.

I was placed into a great state of comfort by having Bro Duke and/or Rat present while I had my first two sessions done. Each time, we stopped at a bar across the street for a beer before I went over. JD (the tattoo artist) always put my mind at ease - and he was damn fine to watch while he did his work.

I have a rather high threshold of pain - I don't seek pain out, but know that when it occurs, I can do a lot on my own to prevent my mind from entering a runaway state. Little tricks are easy diversions for my mind - I'm a simple person so it doesn't take much - something as little as a friendly tap of my toes on someone's boots, a smile, or trying to figure out how many square meters of ceiling the tattoo parlor has - keeps the pain at bay. Strangely, even more annoying than the buzz of the needle was the constant wiping of blood away from the site, and the tugging of skin. I thought about walking in the woods with my dad, or cross-country skiing through the trails deep in the woods where I grew up. Those took me to many "happy places"

While I didn't find the pain erotic, I certainly did feel quite high after the session was over. I still can't wait to get back under the needle again - but need to find out how I want to complete my left arm, which will be done all the way to my wrist.

This is a good time to pull out the meditative trance techniques if you know them. they can help you relax and breathe through the discomfort. Connecting with the orca and "diving deep" in visualization, seeing yourself riding the ebb and flow of the currents of discomfort/ energy in your body may be helpful

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