threshold

[thoreau]

well - I started my tattoo road today. Each experience in life lets us learn something new about ourselves and see new sides of ourselves. Here are my raw thoughts - after beginning my tattoo today.

I learned that getting tattoed takes me to a very dark place. It was extraordinarily painful - and we only got about 1/3 of the way done. I chose to stop - and come back on a later date(s) and finish it up. My artist was very understanding.

The reason that the pain side of SM has never worked for me - is that I don't find any pleasure at all from receiving pain. I've had some of my friends say how tattooing gave them an erection - or that they found it very erotic. As soon as the needle hit my skin - my brain said "you are hurting yourself on purpose, what the fuck!" and took me to a very scared place. I started shaking at one point - and the artist said that he could see the muscles in my neck flexing. Being hurt - does nothing but feel like I'm being hurt - and takes me back to a frightened injured child space that's pretty intense to experience at nearly 40.

It'll probably take three more one hour sessions to get it completely outlined - then filled in. over the next six to eight weeks. but I'll take it at my own pace - and as I can tolerate getting it done.

I'm going to go lay down for while.

The good news is - that it looks - beautiful. and no matter how many sessions it takes to complete - I'm going to be happy having the orca glyph on my body.

Comments

[pulsecub.livejournal.com]

My very dear friend, I am sorry to hear your experience was so difficult. I have had work done on that same spot on me (Xanthus). It's not pleasant; in fact, I rank it up there as one of the worst spots, along with the corresponding area on the back. I had to mentally prepare myself every time I went in for a session. I swore like a sailor during most of it (though the more often Mike worked on it, the better I got at containing my outbursts; but not tolerating the pain). It took five different sessions to get the head done, spaced quite a bit far apart. The first was for the outline. The second to beef up the outline and do the preliminary shading. The last three were for the color. I'm here to tell you it doesn't get easier -- I won't lie to you -- but the end result will be worth it in the end. I can promise you that.

Now, a tip or two if you don't mind: I used this stuff on my tattoo called "Aquaphor." You can get it at any drug store. It's wonderful and really helped the healing and kept the scabbing to a minimum. Do not let the tattoo have free exposure to the air until it's pretty much healed. For me, I used the Aquaphor for about a week until the top layer of skin peeled off (I found the best place to do that was during my morning shower when what was ready to come off would peel easily as I lathered up with soap; the water ensured I wasn't peeling more skin than was ready to come up); that was normal. From that point for about another week (or depending on the place, until the skin felt normal to the touch again), I used "Nivea Soft" moisturizing cream with Jojoba Oil and vitamin E. Xanthus' colors stayed bright and the skin healed really well.

Otherwise, it's going to hurt for a few days, especially when you touch it. Do yourself a favor and wear a t-shirt to bed for the first week, as some of the ink (especially tonight and tomorrow) will leech out with your plasma normally.

Give yourself at least four-to-six weeks between sittings, so your body can recover, too. Don't rush it. You especially don't want him working on the same patch of skin that still healing.

Lastly, post a picture of what you had done. :) I'd love to see it.

Long-distance hugs and love,
pete

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

He's asked me to come back and continue the outline on the 29th - (the saturday you are here in town). tonight when I get home and can take the saran off - I'll have David take a photograph.

[pulsecub.livejournal.com]

Sounds great. Did he tell you to give it a good scrubbing with a washcloth when you take the plastic wrap off? If not, make sure you do. :)

Also, if you can hop on IM for a sec, I have something to chat with you about quickly.

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

as Mr. Paradox says in his comment - I think the place it takes me to - is somewhere I'm very eager to RETURN from. and that it might turn out to be a truly transformative adventure.