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thoreauwell - I started my tattoo road today. Each experience in life lets us learn something new about ourselves and see new sides of ourselves. Here are my raw thoughts - after beginning my tattoo today.
I learned that getting tattoed takes me to a very dark place. It was extraordinarily painful - and we only got about 1/3 of the way done. I chose to stop - and come back on a later date(s) and finish it up. My artist was very understanding.
The reason that the pain side of SM has never worked for me - is that I don't find any pleasure at all from receiving pain. I've had some of my friends say how tattooing gave them an erection - or that they found it very erotic. As soon as the needle hit my skin - my brain said "you are hurting yourself on purpose, what the fuck!" and took me to a very scared place. I started shaking at one point - and the artist said that he could see the muscles in my neck flexing. Being hurt - does nothing but feel like I'm being hurt - and takes me back to a frightened injured child space that's pretty intense to experience at nearly 40.
It'll probably take three more one hour sessions to get it completely outlined - then filled in. over the next six to eight weeks. but I'll take it at my own pace - and as I can tolerate getting it done.
I'm going to go lay down for while.
The good news is - that it looks - beautiful. and no matter how many sessions it takes to complete - I'm going to be happy having the orca glyph on my body.
I learned that getting tattoed takes me to a very dark place. It was extraordinarily painful - and we only got about 1/3 of the way done. I chose to stop - and come back on a later date(s) and finish it up. My artist was very understanding.
The reason that the pain side of SM has never worked for me - is that I don't find any pleasure at all from receiving pain. I've had some of my friends say how tattooing gave them an erection - or that they found it very erotic. As soon as the needle hit my skin - my brain said "you are hurting yourself on purpose, what the fuck!" and took me to a very scared place. I started shaking at one point - and the artist said that he could see the muscles in my neck flexing. Being hurt - does nothing but feel like I'm being hurt - and takes me back to a frightened injured child space that's pretty intense to experience at nearly 40.
It'll probably take three more one hour sessions to get it completely outlined - then filled in. over the next six to eight weeks. but I'll take it at my own pace - and as I can tolerate getting it done.
I'm going to go lay down for while.
The good news is - that it looks - beautiful. and no matter how many sessions it takes to complete - I'm going to be happy having the orca glyph on my body.
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no subject
Date: 2007-09-19 01:11 am (UTC)*hugs*
xxx