We can make a choice to make things different.....

[thoreau]

Many LJers have posted comments about how much better they hope 2009 can be.

I've been ruminating/lamenting/marinating some thoughts on that very topic. Two very different quotes come to mind.

1. "You've got to give them hope" :This was the refrain of the pioneering 1970s gay politician Harvey Milk, so stunningly brought back to life by Sean Penn on screen this winter. Milk reminds us that hope has to mean action, not just words. So - despite not really 'getting into' new years resolutions - what actions can we take in 2009 to make it better?

For me personally - it continues to be the struggle to let go of obstacles I let rule my life - and learn to get on with my bad self on the new path I've blazed since 2008 began. But again - its great to 'say' that - but what are the actions I can take? First, meditate on patience for the courts and rulings on Prop 8 - and don't let my angst get the best of me. I am passionate about politics and civil rights. Also - a side of me says - how can you say that and not have known till election day who my SF Board of Supervisors rep is? I need to become more educated in how the political system works in San Francisco and California. I want to be ready to support whatever direction Prop 8 takes. If we lose at the Supreme Court - how do we start to change the way the California constitution can be amended? How do we remove Prop 8 from it? How do we educate Californians about the rights of gay people in our state? Who is the right leadership to support with my dollars and time as a volunteer and where do I sign up and DO SOMETHING when the call is made?

One of my favorite little gay-isms is "Sarcasm does not equal wit" - and it follows for me that "Anger does not equal action." Action is not blogging on a topic, action is not talking to your partner about politics. Action is joining non-gay organizations and talking about your "rights experience" with non-gays. It's about being a beacon of "out-ness" in the workplace - where folks can ask the harder questions about gay equality.
Action is about hearing every voice - and not making anyone feel devalued or unheard. How do we give each other hope in 2009? Actions. A friend blogs about an issue - invite them to lunch to talk it over and talk about what 'actions' they might - or you and they might make to fix the issue. You see a politician that represents you not supporting an issue or speaking on an issue in a way you don't agree with - write that politician a letter - and encourage others to be in touch with their supervisor, their mayor, their representatives in the statehouse and U.S. Congress. and if they don't listen - get out in the streets and say "listen up folks that represent me - you are not doing so". ACTION equals restoring hope. Sitting home doing nothing and being angry, creates desperation and often, fear. not a good path.

2. Be the change you want to see in the world : Ghandi's golden quote - that is everywhere from bookmarks to coffee cups to bumperstickers. Many people assume Ghandi was referring to racism, or religious freedom or this -ism or that -ism. I like to imagine Ghandi was talking about a far more simple concept. That until you believe in your heart that change WILL happen - it will not. If as a gay man - I continue to project an energy that says "I'm beaten - I've been defeated - this will take decades" then it will. If at the gym - I say to myself "I'll never be as buff as these guys - I'll never have a sixpack" then I never will. One of my biggest lessons about my life since moving from Idaho - is how astoundingly powerful the will in our hearts is for accomplishing amazing change. In the fall of 2006, I was heart-broken, defeated, humiliated and sad. and that was all I was capable of projecting. Imagine going to coffee with someone who seemed like a handsome nice guy but spoke like eyeore from "Winnie the Pooh." (even if I didn't use the accent or lose my tail) I projected nothing shattered negativity - and yeah - people were rather um - unwilling to embrace that energy. Can we blame them? of course, not. So - in 2008 - I meditated to purge that negativity - and up the happiness deficit. It had NOTHING to do with "finding a boyfriend" (as jawnbc slapped me up the side of my spirit with in Spring '07) -- but everything with the energy I engaged the universe with.

The other key factor is that it does not include revenge on people we feel have wronged us. I really dislike the term "the best revenge is living well" after a bad breakup. Where is the positive, "us" power in that statement? Well there is none. Why would you want to live moving forward considering all the good things you accomplish as "revenge" against someone or something? Why not embrace moving forward and thank goodness you are past the negativity of the past - and release its powerhold on your perspective. That is so much stronger! I think this has to include a certain amount of learning to "forgive" (but not forget the lessons) of things like Prop 8. why spend time searching lists of Prop 8 supporters to punish with boycotts - when we can be educated and collecting signatures to change the world for the better? Better to send those contributors a letter and educate them on the true human impact of their decisions. Find them - and sit down with them and talk about it and educate them. I know that sounds like a undramatic approach - and I know it requires MORE work on our end - and might feel like it accomplishes nothing. People really do respond to personal stories of the impact of legislation and initiatives. We all feel - and we don't live in isolated silos where we aren't encountering the same information. (perhaps I'll post more later directly on the Prop8 ideas I have - but this post is more 30,000 ft. view and is NOT Prop8 specific)

A friend of mine uses the term 'karma' to describe this energy. Not the traditional use of the word - by any means - but still it has great merit. If you share good, honest, thoughtful energy with the world around you it's embraceable, lovable and sustainable. If you project anger, loneliness, bitterness or negativity - the universe will either ignore you - or do worse - pair you up with someone else full of anger, loneliness and bitterness. and that kind of "energy attraction" is a real hard lesson to take when your energy gets reflected back at you at full volume. It's a big slap upside the spirit - let me tell you.

So - if we can combine both of these ideas - and attach them to any task or goal we have before ourselves in 2009? I don't care what it is... stopping smoking, wanting 6pack abs, wanting a good relationship, fixing a relationship with family or friends, learning to make the best falafel, learning to program in a new language, learning to communicate in a new language.... the list goes on. Attack each problem or situation with an action plan that is fueled by positive, "I can accomplish it", go-grrrl attitude and there is no stopping any of us.

So - easy to TALK about doing - much harder to do. So when I see you there WORKING to create hope for yourself and others in 2009, actually BEING the hope? If I see you out there with Pompoms in hand - heading for work - or heading for city hall - or to the gym - or traveling to a sacred place - or home to your family? Count on me to say "READY! OKAY!" and cheer you on in the most positive muffinated way I know how. "We've got to give each other hope by being the change we want to see in the world" is my one sentence mantra for 2009. That can be the single difference between 2008 and 2009 and beyond for all of us.

I loved 2008 honestly - despite it's challenges. Adored it. But...I am ready to make the leap forward - and make 2009 even MORE powerful for me, my boyfriend, my coworkers, my friends and my family.

Join me, won't you?

Comments

[billeyler.livejournal.com]

Well said! Hope this is published somewhere with wide non-gay readership.

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

based on the comments I think most folks went "oh dear lord - another long post from herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" LOL!

[dreammwriter.livejournal.com]

I think #2 will not be a problem at all for you.

I think you will do a great job at #1, because of that positivity I think you already exude.

In my experience, sometimes #2 can be difficult at times but it's #1 that will always help keep you going.

I know your efforts will make a beautiful difference.

*hugs*



DRE

[kroyd.livejournal.com]

OKAY! READY??

GO GIRRRRRRL!!!!!

[bukephalus.livejournal.com]

WOW. That is one of the most important posts I have ever read on LJ. So insightful, so positive, so meaningful. I am so glad we became friends. You inspire me.

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

Why thanks Mr. Phalus - :) you are welcome to cross post if you'd like. I think you pay-it-forward a lot more than you think you do. (smoochage)

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

(insert snap heard around the universe here)

oh yeah baby - I'm ready :)

[septimuswarren.livejournal.com]

You're right. Simply blogging or bitching to our partners or straight allies is not enough. We have to work with the straight community to affect change in this country. I think part of the problem is the complacency that so many Americans feel. They don't feel their actions can affect change, so they blog, bitch to partner, etc., but don't really DO anything about any of it. It's particularly difficult when one votes for equal rights and that vote is obliterated by hate. I think much of the grousing at the end of 08 was justified. Obama's election into the White House is great news, of course, but the reality is that when the economy is bad, everything is bad. God itself could be in the WH, but if the economy sucks, it doesn't matter who is running the country. Combine that with 8 years of crap from Washington, the baggage people carry about the holidays, Prop. 8 and you get a lot of negativity at the end of the year. It will turn around eventually.

You're post is filled with a lot of optimism, and that is excellent. If more people can begin to feel that way then perhaps some things will change. For me personally, I have a very difficult time with the Ghandi quote because it is so over quoted. I think a lot of people hear it and roll their eyes. It's like the "the only constant is change." Yeah. We all know that. Now what? The Ghandi quote, while I recognize its value, is the same way to me. It's cliched and doesn't mean much any more, at least not to me. So I need to think of new ways to introduce change. I think people need new and fresh ways to think about what 09 is going to be like but they don't know how. You've provided some opportunity for that here. People need to be their own cheerleaders, but they don't know how to be.

There is a lot of apprehension right now. The holidays are ending, which is great, the new president is about to be sworn in, which is also great, and spring is on its way. My hope is that by the spring people attitudes will change and the tone of the nation will begin to change.

And in the end, you're right. If we don't work for this change ourselves, individually, to have an impact on the greater good, then all we're left with is oppressed rights and bitching.

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

I used two well known qoutes so I could combine them into the statement at the bottom. (and tried to spin the Ghandi quote in a new direction) You are SUCH a teacher. A lot of apprehension is right - and nervous energy that some (if not all of us) aren't sure how to contain.

and Brett - I agree - there was a lot to bitch and bemoan about in 2008 - but my post was how do we refocus that into hope and change for us personally - and as a larger community and nation in 2009? I hope I didn't sound like I am saying we shouldn't be discontent or angry - because if aren't angry - you aren't paying attention. but - I am trying to find ways (as I do in my personal life around anger in genergal) to rechannel that and see what we can do to actually ACCOMPLISH the big bold faced "CHANGE" we so clearly crave.

Thanks for reading - and commenting :)

[septimuswarren.livejournal.com]

I love the comment about my being a teacher. It made me laugh. I'm curious how it came through in my words, though.

I get your point; I hear what you're saying. What I was attempting to say is that it's complicated, and I think in such a complacent time it's difficult for people to know how to make change when they feel like there's so much suckage in the world.

For me, for example, I'm excited about Obama's presidency, but I felt a tangible hit when he invited Rick Warren to deliver the invocation. We're not talking about a person who doesn't believe in gay marriage, we're talking about a person who doesn't believe in equal rights, and he's conjuring the name of god at the the single most important ceremony the United States hosts. This ceremony shows the world our democracy. It is the result of free elections, and the person who best represents that freedom has called in an obstacle to freedom for all to speak at his ceremony??!! Absurd, and insulting.

This is hugely overwhelming for me because I don't know where to start the process of helping to make people aware of this injustice. I've talked to straight people, and they don't get it. I have a letter to the President-elect half written in my head, and I want to write it, but will he see it? Of course not. Will he make changes as a result of it? Certainly not so close to the ceremony. I know those are lame excuses, but they're a kind of metaphor for how many feel, I think. People don't know HOW to start, or where, so they don't start at all; they blog and bitch to their partners.

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

it was more 'me' than 'you' - your point that I picked an overused perhaps "easy" qoute by Ghandi - rather than going for something more original and less trumped. I was hoping my post could be a jumping off point - at least amongst my LJ friends - about how DO we get past the complacency stage.

As for Warren - thats a big lesson for gays that straights "just don't get why we're so upset". It is a clear demonstrator that we have lots more work to do to show that people like Rick Warren are actively discriminating against us vs. just disagreeing with us "across the aisle". and that educating includes President-Elect Obama apparently.