![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
it doesnt get easier...
Aug. 26th, 2007 10:25 amI hate that illness and mortality are part of reality. Every morning I wake up and realize that my cancer could have been my time to transition back in the late 90s, or when I got sick with HIV in the early 90s. Medications and luck have spared me - but it's really hard to watch friends struggle - and their loved ones struggle - as their illnesses continue to impact them or when that moment comes when everyone realizes it's heading towards the transition. It's just hard. I have three friends right now facing that change in their path. I spent the morning cleaning my apartment but fighting back tears after reading some posts and emails this morning. I remember telling one friend that I'd beaten cancer and he would too. and now he is in Vancouver with his partner working on how to make the transition. it's hard. I felt like I was such a cheerleader for him despite the distance. and his partner wrote me this morning telling me about their decision. and then I read some other posts about Ray and Jim - and well. I just wonder if I'd be as strong and beautiful as they are being in their positions. Dealing with transitions has been part of my life since the beginning it seems. It's not supposed to be easy to let go of friends or loved ones. I held a man's hand once as he transitioned. I keep his crystals next to my bed. and I'll send these friends today some of my energy. it's tough stuff. it's not about me - but it's simply circumstances and the randomness that it wasn't a long time ago.
