![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
To my shock - I jumped on the scale this morning at the gym and it glared back at me "186".
Holy crap!
Where/how did I gain six pounds since I last stepped on the scale. a buddy at the gym suggested it was 'relationship weight' that we all put on a few pounds when we get comfy in a relationship. I can't call it "putting it on for winter" because it's barely fall here. I've been solidly between 175-180 since finishing weight watchers in 2007 and I've been pretty proud of it!
Coupled with the fact that I'm about to head out on a week's vacation - on a train - with no gym. I started obsessing (surprise?) about it as I headed upstairs to the apartment to shower - and on my walk to work.
"Six pounds - is this the start of a slide back up over 200?"
"Six pounds? I thought I'd been feeling heavier lately?"
"I don't like who I am when I'm heavier - I need to buckle down."
The mind narration continued for the entire 25 minutes it takes me to walk to work - degrading into my usual litany of self image, self esteem, determination and insecurity issues. So many issues in fact - that I just enroll in the year long subscription - - that way I can have all my issues delivered with as little emotional down payment as possible. (okay - if I wasn't so tragic this morning over this - that would be sorta funny.. but...)
I guess it means I have to recommit to five workouts a week (vs. the three I've been getting in lately) and I have to buckle down the diet again. I've fallen prey to (gasp!) snack crackers and tortilla chips - and I have been eating a fair amount of dessert. The easy part is that if I say to David - I need to eat differently - and we need to keep away from these things - - he'll be 200% supportive. David is one of those people with a high enough metabolism he's never had to worry about weight - eating way way more than I could in most situations....and doesn't even have a scale in his house - so he could easily have no sensitivity to the issue but - - he's (as always) 200% supportive.
A coworker has been trying to get me to go to "Crossfit" with him (a Lalanne fitness class) - which boasts "no mirrors, no saunas, no egos, no excuses"... mind you this coworker is in incredible shape and his nickname is THE ROCK. So I'm thinking perhaps unless there is a special class for insecure middle-aged homosexuals - it might not be for me. But then this is San Francisco - so you never know.
I'm thinking I need to find an aerobics class to up the anty on my aerobics like "BodyPump" or getting back into spinclass at Golds. At the very least it's time to jettison the "working out in my building" gym routine - and get back to Golds five days a week instead of just one. I've been working out at the gym-ette in my building twice a week and trying to get to Golds Castro on Saturdays. (not always successful) But I'm sure if I told David I had to seriously commit to a Saturday morning workout - he'd be totally okay. There is a Golds just down the freeway from his place in Santa Clara.
It's not all bad - I have (since moving to SF) created an entirely new body - I actually have pecs instead of manboobs and despite still having a tummy - can see that it's changing as I continue to work out. I also know that weight fluctuates - that its not like I gained all 42 pounds back? (No - just 23.8% of it! - *smack*)
anyways - - -
Holy crap!
Where/how did I gain six pounds since I last stepped on the scale. a buddy at the gym suggested it was 'relationship weight' that we all put on a few pounds when we get comfy in a relationship. I can't call it "putting it on for winter" because it's barely fall here. I've been solidly between 175-180 since finishing weight watchers in 2007 and I've been pretty proud of it!
Coupled with the fact that I'm about to head out on a week's vacation - on a train - with no gym. I started obsessing (surprise?) about it as I headed upstairs to the apartment to shower - and on my walk to work.
"Six pounds - is this the start of a slide back up over 200?"
"Six pounds? I thought I'd been feeling heavier lately?"
"I don't like who I am when I'm heavier - I need to buckle down."
The mind narration continued for the entire 25 minutes it takes me to walk to work - degrading into my usual litany of self image, self esteem, determination and insecurity issues. So many issues in fact - that I just enroll in the year long subscription - - that way I can have all my issues delivered with as little emotional down payment as possible. (okay - if I wasn't so tragic this morning over this - that would be sorta funny.. but...)
I guess it means I have to recommit to five workouts a week (vs. the three I've been getting in lately) and I have to buckle down the diet again. I've fallen prey to (gasp!) snack crackers and tortilla chips - and I have been eating a fair amount of dessert. The easy part is that if I say to David - I need to eat differently - and we need to keep away from these things - - he'll be 200% supportive. David is one of those people with a high enough metabolism he's never had to worry about weight - eating way way more than I could in most situations....and doesn't even have a scale in his house - so he could easily have no sensitivity to the issue but - - he's (as always) 200% supportive.
A coworker has been trying to get me to go to "Crossfit" with him (a Lalanne fitness class) - which boasts "no mirrors, no saunas, no egos, no excuses"... mind you this coworker is in incredible shape and his nickname is THE ROCK. So I'm thinking perhaps unless there is a special class for insecure middle-aged homosexuals - it might not be for me. But then this is San Francisco - so you never know.
I'm thinking I need to find an aerobics class to up the anty on my aerobics like "BodyPump" or getting back into spinclass at Golds. At the very least it's time to jettison the "working out in my building" gym routine - and get back to Golds five days a week instead of just one. I've been working out at the gym-ette in my building twice a week and trying to get to Golds Castro on Saturdays. (not always successful) But I'm sure if I told David I had to seriously commit to a Saturday morning workout - he'd be totally okay. There is a Golds just down the freeway from his place in Santa Clara.
It's not all bad - I have (since moving to SF) created an entirely new body - I actually have pecs instead of manboobs and despite still having a tummy - can see that it's changing as I continue to work out. I also know that weight fluctuates - that its not like I gained all 42 pounds back? (No - just 23.8% of it! - *smack*)
anyways - - -
