186

[thoreau]

To my shock - I jumped on the scale this morning at the gym and it glared back at me "186".

Holy crap!

Where/how did I gain six pounds since I last stepped on the scale. a buddy at the gym suggested it was 'relationship weight' that we all put on a few pounds when we get comfy in a relationship. I can't call it "putting it on for winter" because it's barely fall here. I've been solidly between 175-180 since finishing weight watchers in 2007 and I've been pretty proud of it!

Coupled with the fact that I'm about to head out on a week's vacation - on a train - with no gym. I started obsessing (surprise?) about it as I headed upstairs to the apartment to shower - and on my walk to work.

"Six pounds - is this the start of a slide back up over 200?"

"Six pounds? I thought I'd been feeling heavier lately?"

"I don't like who I am when I'm heavier - I need to buckle down."

The mind narration continued for the entire 25 minutes it takes me to walk to work - degrading into my usual litany of self image, self esteem, determination and insecurity issues. So many issues in fact - that I just enroll in the year long subscription - - that way I can have all my issues delivered with as little emotional down payment as possible. (okay - if I wasn't so tragic this morning over this - that would be sorta funny.. but...)

I guess it means I have to recommit to five workouts a week (vs. the three I've been getting in lately) and I have to buckle down the diet again. I've fallen prey to (gasp!) snack crackers and tortilla chips - and I have been eating a fair amount of dessert. The easy part is that if I say to David - I need to eat differently - and we need to keep away from these things - - he'll be 200% supportive. David is one of those people with a high enough metabolism he's never had to worry about weight - eating way way more than I could in most situations....and doesn't even have a scale in his house - so he could easily have no sensitivity to the issue but - - he's (as always) 200% supportive.

A coworker has been trying to get me to go to "Crossfit" with him (a Lalanne fitness class) - which boasts "no mirrors, no saunas, no egos, no excuses"... mind you this coworker is in incredible shape and his nickname is THE ROCK. So I'm thinking perhaps unless there is a special class for insecure middle-aged homosexuals - it might not be for me. But then this is San Francisco - so you never know.

I'm thinking I need to find an aerobics class to up the anty on my aerobics like "BodyPump" or getting back into spinclass at Golds. At the very least it's time to jettison the "working out in my building" gym routine - and get back to Golds five days a week instead of just one. I've been working out at the gym-ette in my building twice a week and trying to get to Golds Castro on Saturdays. (not always successful) But I'm sure if I told David I had to seriously commit to a Saturday morning workout - he'd be totally okay. There is a Golds just down the freeway from his place in Santa Clara.

It's not all bad - I have (since moving to SF) created an entirely new body - I actually have pecs instead of manboobs and despite still having a tummy - can see that it's changing as I continue to work out. I also know that weight fluctuates - that its not like I gained all 42 pounds back? (No - just 23.8% of it! - *smack*)

anyways - - -

Comments

Buck up

[bukephalus.livejournal.com]

Funny how we can let numbers -- even a single digit number! -- on a scale rule our lives. It sounds like you're getting this into perspective, so keep up the positive thinking. This is a tiny pothole in the road, not a chasm. Not even close.

"Insecure middle-aged homosexual" so does NOT describe you! Although you are a teensy bit homo.

I think the "relationship weight" theory makes sense. More dinners out, more reasons to celebrate. Fortunately you're in a relationship that will support any modifications you need to make.

Anyway, I was just in SF, so I can say with some authority that "You look mahhhvelous!"

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

Oh good lord girlfriend, I can drink six pounds of water in a day. At least wait a couple of weeks before you panic?

[paterson-si.livejournal.com]

The voice of reason!!! :)

Amen!

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

As I said to Bill - - -

it was less of a panic and more of a self-acceptance of my tendency to overreact. checking myself BEFORE the panic? thats what I was trying to communicate in the post - a snapshot of the full circle in my head in 30 minutes. (wink) scary as that might be....

[paterson-si.livejournal.com]

But you managed to calm down, right? :)

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

it was less of a panic and more of a self-acceptance of my tendency to overreact. checking myself BEFORE the panic? thats what I was trying to communicate in the post - a snapshot of the full circle in my head in 30 minutes. (wink) scary as that might be....

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

huzzah!!

[billeyler.livejournal.com]

I don't know the QUANTITY of food and beverage you've been consuming, but I'd suspect over 50% of your posts have some serious food-related notes, most of them having pretty high caloric punch. That seems pretty telling to me!

186 = my weight when I met Danny, May 2001
212 = my current weight.

:(

[airporter.livejournal.com]

My 3 trips to the gym each week have managed to firm up my legs and arms and put nice definition into my thighs and calves (especially in tights...) but they've yet to reduce my waist or weight an ounce. I've been holding steady at 215 while I've been building the strength and some measure of endurance that I'll need to increase the cardio sufficiently to affect the weight balance much. Still, I get into a cycle of "it should have started working on my weight at this point, what am I doing wrong?"

The answer is nothing at all, like yourself. As you're aware 6 pounds could be one heavy water retention day, and isn't worth paranoiacally obsessing over. Monitoring? Of course, but that's what you do to stay healthy. I'd say you managed to check the panic process reasonably well. As you've noted, you can change up your routine until you've a balance that works for you. Then change it again whenever you need. No drama, simple.

By the way, I'm very glad I met you in person in July! I now have an image of you going through these thought processes. :)

[hereticsoul.livejournal.com]

My workout zeal has waned the past couple of months also. Must be something in the air or the phases of the moon.

I'm working to refocus and rededicate myself to exercise. It's a difficult thing to keep an aggressive discipline on track for such a long period of time. But the results in my case have been undeniable. My good fortune is that I've been getting enough exercise and watching my diet just enough to maintain a stable weight right now that straddles the 200 pound line.

With some more attention to nutrition and a renewed workout intensity, I'm sure I can begin another downward push for less poundage and a smaller waist size.

I'm in your corner rooting for you, Robert :)

[bear-left.livejournal.com]

Funny, I bought at WW-approved scale this morning, since the one at the gym is useless. Suffice to say, if I'm within 50 lbs of your weight this morning when I give it a shot, I'll be relieved.

Girlfriend, please

[bruinwi.livejournal.com]

186

186???

Dearheart, if you were within reach, I'd be sorely tempted to slap you.

The more reasonable part of me understands that we all have our personal goals, and that the range of 175 - 180 is perfectly reasonable...for you. Me, I'd like to drop a good 20 lbs and be closer to 230, but that's MY drama. With the energy you're burning fretting over this, you'll drop six pounds in nothing flat.

...and what's with this "middle-aged" crap? You just turned 40! You're newly old. You've a full decade before you're eligable for your AARP card...THEN we can start talking "middle-aged".

[balanceinchaos.livejournal.com]

You'll do it. We all lose track of these things when we make life changes (like establish a new relationship). Awareness is all you need to return to your ideals.

You'll be back down there by the holidays!

[grizzlyzone.livejournal.com]

Just watch the bratwurst and beer when you're up in Milwaukee.

See if you can get down to Racine and pick up a Kringle over the weekend. You gotta go first thing in the morning. Like early. You won't be sorry.