GIVE ME YOUR SCALLOPED POTATO SECRETS!

I must have them. I told Dave I was making scalloped potatoes for dinner - and his reply was "well - here's where I stand scalloped potatoes. They are either award winning fabulous or they taste like velveeta vomit. Good luck!"

Velveeta vomit. (silent pause) well.

How do I make award-winning fabulous scalloped potatoes for the mathematician I adore so much?

HELP ME INTERWEBS!

attention everyone! attention everyone! I'm officially an idiot!

Like most things in my life - I can't just go small when I totally fuck up in the kitchen. I have to go for the Gold and make THE GROSSEST MOST DISGUSTING DINNER EVER!

Made dinner - the potatoes came out "looking" pretty yummy. but one bite into them told us both something had gone horribly wrong. I checked the cheese - it wasn't bad or anything. the potatoes had cooked up nice and tender. Then I found the problem - when shopping - I mistakenly grabbed a container of "Dutch Style Sweetened Vanilla Heavy Baking Creme" instead of simply heavy creme. So I basically made bread pudding with molten cheese and potatoes.

Most disgusting scalloped potatoes ever! EVER!

The fish? Orange ruffy tasted like the utter definition of bland awfulness - and was just terrible. TERRIBLE! When it cooked out - it just turned to mush instead of being flaky and yummy. It was fresh from Andronico's counter - and it's the worst fucking fish I've ever tasted - leave alone cooked. Yuck factor gazillion.

Most disgusting fish ever! EVER

The Bokchoy came out nice. feh!

David was very sweet. He said that some of my meals were going to turn out below average - because that is how averages work - and that it would make us both appreciate when I broke the curve and cooked something outstanding. That it would be statistically impossible for every meal to be either stupendous or rotten and evil. He gave me a big strong hug and a kiss - and then fed the vanilla sweetened potatoes to the garbage disposal.

wow - that was just a disaster.