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thoreauLike most things in my life - I can't just go small when I totally fuck up in the kitchen. I have to go for the Gold and make THE GROSSEST MOST DISGUSTING DINNER EVER!
Made dinner - the potatoes came out "looking" pretty yummy. but one bite into them told us both something had gone horribly wrong. I checked the cheese - it wasn't bad or anything. the potatoes had cooked up nice and tender. Then I found the problem - when shopping - I mistakenly grabbed a container of "Dutch Style Sweetened Vanilla Heavy Baking Creme" instead of simply heavy creme. So I basically made bread pudding with molten cheese and potatoes.
Most disgusting scalloped potatoes ever! EVER!
The fish? Orange ruffy tasted like the utter definition of bland awfulness - and was just terrible. TERRIBLE! When it cooked out - it just turned to mush instead of being flaky and yummy. It was fresh from Andronico's counter - and it's the worst fucking fish I've ever tasted - leave alone cooked. Yuck factor gazillion.
Most disgusting fish ever! EVER
The Bokchoy came out nice. feh!
David was very sweet. He said that some of my meals were going to turn out below average - because that is how averages work - and that it would make us both appreciate when I broke the curve and cooked something outstanding. That it would be statistically impossible for every meal to be either stupendous or rotten and evil. He gave me a big strong hug and a kiss - and then fed the vanilla sweetened potatoes to the garbage disposal.
wow - that was just a disaster.
Made dinner - the potatoes came out "looking" pretty yummy. but one bite into them told us both something had gone horribly wrong. I checked the cheese - it wasn't bad or anything. the potatoes had cooked up nice and tender. Then I found the problem - when shopping - I mistakenly grabbed a container of "Dutch Style Sweetened Vanilla Heavy Baking Creme" instead of simply heavy creme. So I basically made bread pudding with molten cheese and potatoes.
Most disgusting scalloped potatoes ever! EVER!
The fish? Orange ruffy tasted like the utter definition of bland awfulness - and was just terrible. TERRIBLE! When it cooked out - it just turned to mush instead of being flaky and yummy. It was fresh from Andronico's counter - and it's the worst fucking fish I've ever tasted - leave alone cooked. Yuck factor gazillion.
Most disgusting fish ever! EVER
The Bokchoy came out nice. feh!
David was very sweet. He said that some of my meals were going to turn out below average - because that is how averages work - and that it would make us both appreciate when I broke the curve and cooked something outstanding. That it would be statistically impossible for every meal to be either stupendous or rotten and evil. He gave me a big strong hug and a kiss - and then fed the vanilla sweetened potatoes to the garbage disposal.
wow - that was just a disaster.
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no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 04:55 am (UTC)I'm really, really sorry, but...
I LOLed, out loud, for about 5 minutes straight after reading that!
So, if anything good came out of this, it's that it got a laugh out of crusty ol' me. I don't normally laugh at the misfortunes of others, but something about absurd kitchen disasters cracks me up!
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Date: 2009-02-07 04:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-02-07 05:19 am (UTC)And you're still are light years ahead of my husband, when it comes to kitchen acumen.
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Date: 2009-02-07 05:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 05:48 pm (UTC)I can just imagine. LOL!
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Date: 2009-02-07 05:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 06:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 05:12 am (UTC)The baking cream might work for that....if it survived.
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Date: 2009-02-07 05:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 06:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 05:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 06:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 05:59 am (UTC)This is one of very many culinary fuckups to come, especially for someone who is as adventurous as you are. The failures are what make the successes so awesome.
Have I ever told you of the time Mark-the-Ex and I made honeydew soup…with cooking wine? Or Coquille St Jacques? or green aspic? or an entire, miserable, horrific dinner for l0 (four of whom arrived so high that we thought we'd have to call 911) on New Year's Eve? of 2000? Ah, memories…
Ok, Mark-the-Ex may not be over all that yet, but I laugh my ass off at stuff like that. They're great stories. You'll laugh at stuff like this too, once the ptomaine poisoning settles down.
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Date: 2009-02-07 06:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 06:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 05:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 06:13 am (UTC)You tried...Yay for you.
HUGS!
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Date: 2009-02-07 05:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 06:17 am (UTC)HUGS!
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Date: 2009-02-07 05:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 06:29 am (UTC)1. Don't try so hard. I've known David for many years, and I very much doubt that one bad meal is going to send him screaming off into the night.
2. OK, you made ONE BAD MEAL ... but how many wonderful meals have you made over the past few months? You've had nearly 100% success, if I'm remembering your LJ entries recently.
3. It's never too late to order in Chinese or pizza.
*hugs!*
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Date: 2009-02-07 04:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 06:52 am (UTC):o)
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Date: 2009-02-07 05:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 12:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 05:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 12:18 pm (UTC)Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Doctors get to bury their mistakes and cooks can too!
A tip you won't find in the 1969 Better Croker Classic: If you find that you've made a serious mistake, along the way, put the oven on super high and wait for smoke.
'Tis a far, far better thing to claim it all burned 'by mistake', than to go face-to-face with a fish that flopped.
Keep an extra bottle of wine handy, to lubricate said occasions.
Cheers!
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Date: 2009-02-07 12:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-02-07 01:41 pm (UTC)So are you saying you don't like Orange Roughy or that you just didn't like it last night?
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Date: 2009-02-07 05:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 01:46 pm (UTC)Oh, sweet, sweet Muffin Man. It's the "molten" what got me laughing!
Somehow, once upon a time, my ex-husband managed to put salt in the sugar cannister. I made a blueberry pie with the ingredients of said cannister. The kitchen wall did not fare well in the aftermath.
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Date: 2009-02-07 05:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 01:55 pm (UTC)I'm sure we have all been there...more times than we can count, not too long ago I made a ground turkey meatloaf...sounds simple enough...but it was absolutely awful!
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Date: 2009-02-07 05:45 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-02-07 02:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 04:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 03:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 04:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-07 03:21 pm (UTC)Molten cheese and vanilla potatoes is not what you want to read at 1am after drinking
Just sayin
I applaud you for your adventurous foodieness it is one attribute i proudly share with you
Luckily both david and DTP show patience and run with experiences....good or bad
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Date: 2009-02-07 04:45 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-02-07 03:25 pm (UTC)But at least you know that you have the technique down for making beautiful scalloped potatoes.
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Date: 2009-02-07 05:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2009-02-07 04:49 pm (UTC)I also cooked disastrously seafood crêpes for my bf. But instead of giving me a hug, he uses that to make fun of me!
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Date: 2009-02-07 05:45 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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