oh how I love penis!

[thoreau]

Two people in my life today needed gentle reminders of the Inverse Universal Penis Rule.

It is the inverse universal penis rule - penis is most beautiful - and rump the most tasty - when it is thousands of miles away - the only problem with that rule - is that - when you get on a plane and head that thousands of miles away - the rule inverses and you suddenly find yourself alone in a hotel room - not getting laid 3000 miles away

Because the penis you traveled to adore in person? - has depreciated in value during your flight because it's attached to an emotionally unavailable man who made other plans and 'forgot' you were flying out for the weekend. (Thus the "inverse universal penis rule" envokes itself!)

While in the hotel griping about the penisthatgotaway^tm!?

- a beautiful penis comes up on your screen on your laptop - but this penis? this beautiful penis? is from your hometown - and in the time it takes you to pack your bags - get to the airport - and head home - (often a matter of simple hours) he would have found the love of his life and be in a closed forever relationship by the time you land back on your home turf.

So - what can we do to stop the drama circle of chasing around the country for beautiful penis?

It is simpler - and makes your life less dramatic - to enjoy penis closer to home - like, say, perhaps - your own repeatedly.

then you won't be drawn to burn airmiles only to have the inverse universal penis rule create drama for you.

You'll thank me.....

(COMMENTS AND USERICONS IN SAID COMMENTS NOT SO WORK SAFE)

Comments

[cubdaddy.livejournal.com]

LOL! Great post.

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

it just HAD to be said outloud!!

[bootedintexas.livejournal.com]

ok using Gina DeLaurentis for a post bout penis should create multiple sessions of hardcore therapy.

I'll be ok....

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

Giada loves penis - this I know - because my perverted mind tells me so.

[krypto38801.livejournal.com]

Oh, Hell to the yes! To paraphrase a great quote:

"Perversion, Love thyself"

And now I have a left arm to rival that of Schwarzenegger in his prime....

[bukephalus.livejournal.com]

I will grant you that the stay-at-home-penis solution is undoubtedly the most cost-effective one that science has so far devised.

However, if you still insist on risking your time and money on the long-distance dick, there are a few things you can do to minimize the pain:

1. Pre-trick: Set up as many dates as you can before going. Never go long distances just for one guy.

2. Stay alone: Never plan on staying at the home of the IUP. If things don't work out, you'll be out on your ass or stuck with an uncomfortable roomie until you can get a flight back home. Get a hotel room. A private one where you can entertain other IUPs.

3. Bring hunting gear: Be sure to take any necessary cruising equipment with you -- laptop computer, guide to gay clubs, etc -- so you can search for other prospects if the IUP doesn't work out.

4. Be a tourist: Make the IUP only a small part of the travel. Plan on sight-seeing, museums, and other cultural events rather than investing all your money and energy in a penis.

Cuz all too often, a huge penis turns out just to be a big dick.

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

all excellent IUP related travel tips :)

[bjarvis.livejournal.com]

Hallelujah, brother!

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

all this therapy FINALLY led to something USEFUL i can share with my peoples!!

[pulsecub.livejournal.com]

I enjoy my own, at least twice daily.

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

I am not alone when I say that you are have one of the most beautiful penises I'm aware of. and I am SO not exaggerating. and I can think of all sorts of fun craft activities :)

[djmadadam.livejournal.com]

Pete? Is that your... your... *collapse*

[bluebear2.livejournal.com]

Interesting...

[mt-yvr.livejournal.com]

With the pictures included in the icons above my comment.. I may just HAVE to...

Did you know, tongue marks on a screen aren't good whilst at work?

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

if LJ came with scratch and sniff cards - we'd be even more addicted than we already are. LOL!

[blt4success66.livejournal.com]

Enjoy your own penis, repeatedly? Hell, I'm lucky if I get to enjoy it once a month...and that's just me!

Fuck, I need a real life. LOL

[loves-gay-sex.livejournal.com]

You only masturbate once a month????????????????????????????

Okay, I have now figured out the "root" of your problem.

Wives and children sleep you know.

And there is always the shower.

Go forth and masturbate!

God says it is good!

[madknits.livejournal.com]

*sings*
A penis to plunder,
A penis to push,
'Cause one in the hand
Is worth one in the bush.
A penis to love me,
A penis to share....
To pick up and play with
When nobody's there.

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

sing it brother!!

[djmadadam.livejournal.com]

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

oh - actually - I'm glad to say that this post speaks to other people's penile projections - not mine. I'm very firmly planted in SF - infatuated with my own penis. LOL!

[figarobo.livejournal.com]

awwww...I'm sorry for the disappointment. But if you're near, there's still time to join us on retreat in Michigan. There must be at least 1 of the 37 penii in attendance that you'd enjoy. Better yet, may I offer our sampler pak? Squeee! I eagerly await arrival of your book tomorrow. SO good to be in touch (ahem) with you.

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

oh - actually - I'm glad to say that this post speaks to other people's penile projections - not mine. I'm very firmly planted in SF - infatuated with my own penis. LOL!

Have fun this weekend!

[moved.livejournal.com]

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy,
It's devine to own a dick.
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick!

So three cheers for your willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trousers snake.
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons,
You can slip it in your sock.
Don't take it out in public,
Or they will put you in the dock ...
And you won't
come
back

[major7.livejournal.com]

I say grab the penis by the horns and hold on for the ride.

[krypto38801.livejournal.com]

*ordering at a Diary Queen*

I'd like a triple penis with cheese, hold the cheese, and a large order of penis, with a large Diet Penis to drink. Thanks :)

[pinkfish.livejournal.com]

I really have nothing to say, but felt that I should post just to get into the iconography.

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

good man!

NSFW - THE PENIS SONG :-)

[woofmantoronto.livejournal.com]

I'm currently dating my right hand behind my left hand's back;-)

[loves-gay-sex.livejournal.com]

I know I am pretty fond of my own. And I know of at least two men who enjoy it on a fairly frequent basis!

But yes, I do love my own!