thought puzzles

[thoreau]

9:49 on a Tuesday - and I have officially reached the "omg I'm so over packing and moving" point. to which I responded with a walk with Miss Kate out into Duboce Park and some silence.

I sat out in the dark playing with Miss Kate in the grass...... well, until a police cruiser came by and hit me with his search light thinking Kate and I were homeless campers. :(

budmassey? you with me here? is Waldenism the journey or the destination - is it a physical cabin by a pond or the simplification of your life and spirit so that a cabin by the pond exists in your soul?

I met notdefined at the new Muffin Penthouse Suite this afternoon - the sun was blinding but the "meditation blue" wall and the brand new appliances and the view had me smiling uncontrollably.

I just need to get through the next few days and I've conquered this latest plateau in my life.

it's going to take patience and not "anxietizing" things. if there was ever a time for meditation - it's now.

Brett (septimuswarren) posted to his journal a quote from the essay "The Season of My Grandfather," by Michelle Cacho-Negrete:

"I'd learned from my mother and grandfather not to judge people's love by whether they gave me what I wanted, but by whether they gave me what they were capable of giving"

The "e" word or expectations has ALWAYS been my biggest stumbling block - and judging others when they failed to reach or achiev my expectations or what I thought I was going to get or what I was expecting to get from them.....

So the Cacho-Negrete quote has been like an mental tsunami - -

that is shouldn't be about "did I get what I want?" - but "did I willfully receive what others around me were capable of giving?"

serious thought puzzle.

Comments

[cuyahogarvr.livejournal.com]

An interesting puzzlement that could be applied to reflections with one's relationship with SELF, (what am I capable of doing and giving to myself?) especially at this time of physical upheaval and growth.

[budmassey.livejournal.com]

Thanks Muffin!

[ruralrob.livejournal.com]

Moving isn't fun, is it? But just be methodical with realistic, manageable targets for each day and you'll get through it . .

[grizzlyzone.livejournal.com]

Those shoes RULE!

[ruralrob.livejournal.com]

Thanks - I'm a bit of a shoe fanatic . .

[geometrician.livejournal.com]

We have all these goals, and subgoals, and microgoals -- things we want to move toward, and things we want to move away from. We create expectations of how things will be at every turn, then when we get there we compare our expectations with what we actually perceive. The degree to which our expectations align with what we perceive guides how we respond to each new situation. When our expectations are largely different from what we perceive, our response is usually not so good.

The two things I hate more than anything else: looking for a job, and moving.

[grizzlyzone.livejournal.com]

The "e" word or expectations has ALWAYS been my biggest stumbling block - and judging others when they failed to reach or achieve my expectations or what I thought I was going to get or what I was expecting to get from them.....

I don't think you can expect anything from anyone. To me, it smacks of being a controlling person and trying to control other people is pretty much like herding cats.

Of course, if you do manage to actually control them, you kind of feel... wrong. Manipulative. At least, I do.

You see, I've kind of gotten past that point where my personal happiness is in the hands of others. I don't do "good things" to make other people happy or to expect their gratitude in any way.

I am very selfish. I do "good things" to make me happy. And, if these things make other people happy? Good for them, but, it's really irrelevant.

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

precisely why I see it as one of the muffin-isms that has needed the most work. :) thanks Mr. G-Zone.

[transmodal.livejournal.com]

On Waldenism, in many ways I think that it is a combination of destination and journey. Meaning that sometimes you have to have the physical space in order to create that simplification in your life and spirit. If I lived the slower pace of country life I could greatly reduce the amount of things I need to support my life. Living in the city we have lots of "things" to make our urban lives more comfortable. Yes it is true that they add baggage but there is also quality of life to think of... obviously I'm not a big fan of the idea -"to live is to suffer" :o)

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

ooooh - I'm so glad you chimed in on this topic. :)

(i'm somewhat of a thoreau fanatic)

Part of my downsizing into the studio this weekend is part of trying to find that "physical space" for myself and push to the next level of the journey - I've felt like I was on a plateau for the last year and a half and am ready to start climbing again.

(huggage)

[transmodal.livejournal.com]

do you know the destination of your journey? what made you feel that you were on a plateau? how has the gym thing been going?

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

I'd like to get to a place personally where I have little (or no) expectations - and "me" is not defined by anything exterior. (e.g. must have a boyfriend, must have this kind of job, etc) I moved to SF in 2006 to be with a guy who broke my heart - (much of the reason the impact of "judge people's love by whether they gave me what I wanted, but by whether they gave me what they were capable of giving" I spent a year on a plateau trying to figure all that out. I'd never been hurt like that ever before. and I knew moving forward was useless till I'd done some figuring out about that whole mess.

Despite the fact I've only been one day this week because of the move and my unexpected Linda Blair audition? - The gym thing is going really well. :)

[transmodal.livejournal.com]

Wow, you were brave to move out to SF to be with someone!

I'm interested in hearing about how you are working to get to this place where you have little expectations or external things defining you. It sounds like you came to a realization that these two things were a part of what had contributed to you getting into the situation that caused your heart break... what was that process like?

I have to say that I have learned the most about myself from the relationships I've been in (successful and not so much).

I'm glad you are feeling better. I haven't been able to spend much time online - we had a big cookie order for Memorial Day and then went up to the mountains with a bunch of friends... post w/pics to follow.

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

I"ll shoot you an email.

do you do mail orders of your cookies?

[beg1n.livejournal.com]

Did the accent wall turn out like you had hoped? The more I think about it, I'm glad you didn't go with the green hue.

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

the teal blue is going to be really cool - its SUCH a different space than I live in now - it's going to be real interesting.... I can't wait to have you up for dinner after I get really settled.

[moofedma.livejournal.com]

The "e" word or expectations has ALWAYS been my biggest stumbling block - and judging others when they failed to reach or achiev my expectations or what I thought I was going to get or what I was expecting to get from them.....

I have that with drivers on the road. I expect them to be mostly courteous, use their turn signals, come to a full and complete stop and red lights and stop signs, don't illegally park in handicap spots...but what I have to settle for is what I get from them.

I suppose on some level I should be grateful; it could be a lot worse.