immunity

[thoreau]

I was out walking Miss Kate this morning - and was mulling over some things. I know - me. thinking. wow - now there is a shocker. :) I really gave myself a perspective shift and a life upgrade moving. The new place is so cool. For being in the middle of the city it's surprisingly quiet.

and the view - well. I've been sleeping with the blinds wide open - waking in the middle of the night and staring at the city at 2am or 3am. I've watched sunrise now for a week and it's awe inspiring.

Then there is walking Miss Kate in the new neighborhood. As convenient as having the dog park close to the old place was - they used fish emullsion in the fertilizer and it was always a fight to keep her from eating the mud and grass there. So - to walk her to Civic Center park and to Opera Plaza and not have to go through that - is pretty wonderful. She's getting used to the big street crossings. Miss Kate is very impatient at crosswalks. She doesn't "get" them. she'll circle dance and try and pull. Her face looks up at me as if to say "but - those people get to go - why can't we go?" LOL! I caught myself this morning saying to her outloud - "but we aren't those people now are we?" - turning me instantly into my parents. (eek!)

but back to thinking.... I know that the last year was a lot harder for me than it really had to be. I took a lot of things personally that if I'd thought about - I would have realized were not directed at me at all. One of my 2008 new year's resolutions was "not to deny people their own existence" in other words - work hard at letting people be themselves. It sorta follows Ruiz's Four Agreements when he says: "What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering." I was recently trading notes and emails with transmodal on this topic. about - working to make my personal journey less about external influences and expectations; about not letting external things define me. I like Ruiz's choice of the word "immune" - its like being exposed to a cold - realizing someone has a cold - then not getting their cold or letting their snifflies become your own. A conscious decision to work to become immune to how other people project their reality - their dreams - their perspective - on me; and how I can choose or NOT choose to react to it, accept with love and understanding. but the turnabout is also true. I need to work about not project MYSELF on others. (something quirkstreet kindly calls me on occasionally) because that behavior is just as damaging.

So this whole move to the Muffin Penthouse suite has felt like the culminating event after a year of thinking and working really hard. Am I finished? hardly! but - I rewarded myself with a good change. (no matter how stressful the first couple of weeks of May were wondering where I was going to live)

I am also REALLY enjoying how in the dating with David - I'm able to communicate these changes and communicate my new set of emotional priorities and they are met with compassion and understanding. He doesn't cock his head at me and look at me like I'm on crack. He understands so much of all this. We are really enjoying one another but aren't in a rush to be anywhere - no rush to some artificial benchmark like living together. We have said to one another that if we really care about one another we need to take the time to explore it all - each event, each romantic interlude, each fetish - - completely. It is exciting to be able to say "I need to do relationships differently - come along if you'd like..." and he just says "sounds great to me...."

So my journey is changing and evolving - and it makes me think 2008 is going to be the turning point - and the beginning of something stronger and more vital and that can only be a good thing.

ttyl.

Comments

[dendren.livejournal.com]

sounds like it has been *quite* a journey for you so far. I am consistently amazed at where our journeys in life so often take us where we could *never* have expected... could you ever in a million years have imagined being in the muffin penthouse in SF mulling over your journey so far 5 - 10 years ago? Very cool methinks :)

[figarobo.livejournal.com]

What an incredibly beautiful and empowering message (for yourself as well as for the rest of us). Thanks for being so open and willing to share. All good things to you, Miss Katey and David.

[quirkstreet.livejournal.com]

I'm really pleased at how well things are going for you lately, sweet man. And in case I've never made it explicit, I can only call you on some of these things because I'm on a similar journey with many of the same struggles. There will be times when I call you on something and it will turn out to be JUST ME PROJECTING, not you at all. ;-) I'm glad that so far, what I've had to say has been helpful. You deserve all the awesomeness you can create for yourself, and it's beyond fabulous that you're doing that.

[cuyahogarvr.livejournal.com]

Yay you!! I'm so excited for you and knew that you would land comfortably on your feet. You do deserve this!

[tinman11201.livejournal.com]

What a wonderful post! Thank you so much for your constant inspiration to reach a higher level of "okay-ness" with myself and others and to know that it's the journey and not the destination that truly counts.

To you and to the journey (both our individual journey and our combined human journey), I express my constant gratitude and thanks!

Can't wait for Jim and I to come out to SF and get to meet you and David in person!

[joebehrsandiego.livejournal.com]

Robert - thank you for sharing your journey - and being my friend. It's a great gift!

[castrowoof.livejournal.com]

So happy to hear your journey is taking you to higher places (pun intended *snicker*).

Hopefully some of your mojo will rub off on me.

[moofedma.livejournal.com]

That's pretty wonderful to hear! It's much the same with me and aribenyaakov!

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Love everything you have to say in this insightful post, my friend!

HUGS!

[septimuswarren.livejournal.com]

Seems appropriate you would think about this in particular. You shed your last relationship skin, you shed a more expensive skin, you've minimized your possessions, which would make Thoreau very proud, and you're dating somone; you've begun again in nearly every area of your personal life. Seems appropriate to have the realization that people are going to act on what they know and who they are, but that doesn't mean we have to take that on.