Eat.Pray.Love.

[thoreau]

A fellow LJ'er wrote this morning about one of my favorite books, Eat.Pray.Love. : One Woman's Search for Everything across Italy, India and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert.

In this lovely must-read -

Gilbert tells the story of her life as she was plagued with despair after a nasty divorce, in her early 30s, and chooses to divide a year equally among three dissimilar countries, exploring her competing urges for earthly delights and divine transcendence. First, pleasure: savoring Italy's buffet of delights--the world's best pizza, free-flowing wine and dashing conversation partners--Gilbert consumes la dolce vita as spiritual succor. "I came to Italy pinched and thin," she writes, but soon fills out in waist and soul. Then, prayer and ascetic rigor: seeking communion with the divine at a sacred ashram in India, Gilbert emulates the ways of yogis in grueling hours of meditation, struggling to still her churning mind. Finally, a balancing act in Bali, where Gilbert tries for equipoise "betwixt and between" realms, studies with a merry medicine man and plunges into a charged love affair.

anyhoo - - - the particular text that spoke to me (and another LJer) was when she got to the meat of why her relationship with her husband didn't work. She says that it was time for her to stop falling for the POTENTIAL a man has and find one worth loving as he is today.

When I read the book - I literally sat the book down and had a giant - "holy crap that's me" moment. It is the lesson of my 10 year relationship with Jon - and the longdistance disaster of The Rickisode^tm. In both relationships - I saw things that COULD have been - saw things in both men that had SUCH potential. and fell in love with those things - fell in love with untangible daydreams. Particularly with Rick - I was so determined to find that potential - that I ignored all sorts of nasty signs right in front of me because I was too busy looking at the horizon instead of the quicksand and horseshit I was wading through trying to get there.

When I worked at the bookstore last winter - (a christmas retail gig) - this was the first book I checked out as an employee. and it was amazing. but it was lovely reading LJ this morning to get that refresher on Gilbert's particular point - - that I chose (at the time) to take step further. Last spring I learned and worked through loving MYSELF as who I am today - and not who I wanted to become after moving to San Francisco. I had to let go of so many dreams I'd wrapped around Rick - and some that I was still unraveling from Jon - and find myself loveable as just me - as I am today. and like Gilbert says - try a DIFFERENT kind of relationship - where dreams are based more on who we are in THIS moment - not caught up in some dreamscape of "who will be in 5 years - or 10 years" but - find a relationship based on the love of who we BOTH are today.

and so far, knock on wood - that is precisely what David and I are exploring. Finding in each other what's worthy in each other in every moment - laughing, crying, angry, happy, contemplative. It's all pretty remarkable. So thanks LJ buddy (his post was marked friends-only so I'm respecting his privacy here) - - for giving me that shot in the arm as a reminder.