Eat.Pray.Love.

[thoreau]

A fellow LJ'er wrote this morning about one of my favorite books, Eat.Pray.Love. : One Woman's Search for Everything across Italy, India and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert.

In this lovely must-read -

Gilbert tells the story of her life as she was plagued with despair after a nasty divorce, in her early 30s, and chooses to divide a year equally among three dissimilar countries, exploring her competing urges for earthly delights and divine transcendence. First, pleasure: savoring Italy's buffet of delights--the world's best pizza, free-flowing wine and dashing conversation partners--Gilbert consumes la dolce vita as spiritual succor. "I came to Italy pinched and thin," she writes, but soon fills out in waist and soul. Then, prayer and ascetic rigor: seeking communion with the divine at a sacred ashram in India, Gilbert emulates the ways of yogis in grueling hours of meditation, struggling to still her churning mind. Finally, a balancing act in Bali, where Gilbert tries for equipoise "betwixt and between" realms, studies with a merry medicine man and plunges into a charged love affair.

anyhoo - - - the particular text that spoke to me (and another LJer) was when she got to the meat of why her relationship with her husband didn't work. She says that it was time for her to stop falling for the POTENTIAL a man has and find one worth loving as he is today.

When I read the book - I literally sat the book down and had a giant - "holy crap that's me" moment. It is the lesson of my 10 year relationship with Jon - and the longdistance disaster of The Rickisode^tm. In both relationships - I saw things that COULD have been - saw things in both men that had SUCH potential. and fell in love with those things - fell in love with untangible daydreams. Particularly with Rick - I was so determined to find that potential - that I ignored all sorts of nasty signs right in front of me because I was too busy looking at the horizon instead of the quicksand and horseshit I was wading through trying to get there.

When I worked at the bookstore last winter - (a christmas retail gig) - this was the first book I checked out as an employee. and it was amazing. but it was lovely reading LJ this morning to get that refresher on Gilbert's particular point - - that I chose (at the time) to take step further. Last spring I learned and worked through loving MYSELF as who I am today - and not who I wanted to become after moving to San Francisco. I had to let go of so many dreams I'd wrapped around Rick - and some that I was still unraveling from Jon - and find myself loveable as just me - as I am today. and like Gilbert says - try a DIFFERENT kind of relationship - where dreams are based more on who we are in THIS moment - not caught up in some dreamscape of "who will be in 5 years - or 10 years" but - find a relationship based on the love of who we BOTH are today.

and so far, knock on wood - that is precisely what David and I are exploring. Finding in each other what's worthy in each other in every moment - laughing, crying, angry, happy, contemplative. It's all pretty remarkable. So thanks LJ buddy (his post was marked friends-only so I'm respecting his privacy here) - - for giving me that shot in the arm as a reminder.

Comments

[tinman11201.livejournal.com]

ME TOO!! I loved the book and was very moved and inspired by it. as well as realizing alot about myself and my past relationships.

So far Jim and I are really communicating and I love him more whenever I see him out in public and see how loving and wonderful he is to everyone including me! YAY for Jim!

[scorpiocub.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the respect (outing myself here), but it was marked friends only just in case TPFKATC might somehow stumble across my journal.

I'm glad I could trigger this for you. I, too, had the put the book down and bawl my eyes out moment (ok, that's how it worked for me), as that has been such a pattern in my life. Thinking "when he does xxx it'll be great!" Blech.

FYI, clarification, it wasn't her husband, it was the guy she met after her husband and had the on again off again tumultuous relationship with, wasn't it??

That book was so me.

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

now that you say that you are right. but it applies to why she didn't 'gel' with him either. I need to go pick up my copy and re-read it.

(big ubersmooch and hug)

[bukephalus.livejournal.com]

Wow, how cool is that. The book sounds great, even if I don't think my problem is marrying potential per se.

I've only known you a year, but it's hard to imagine you not being the fully realized person I know you to be. You just seem so together.

But I guess what that really means is that you know yourself well enough to know what to work on, and then you actually get going and do that work. That alone makes you hugely admirable in my book.

[kc-risenphoenix.livejournal.com]

Oh, my! I am reading this book right now and I am LOVING it! Powerful, wonderful stuff.

My dauaghter's first LTR ended the other day... I wonder if this bok would help her? I think it just might!

Very moving to read your words...

[mt-yvr.livejournal.com]

A few of these points resonate. In my life I've not thought I could affect those changes in others, but I waited for them. And even more for them to appear in myself.

Recently the issue isn't "one day he'll be different" so much as "one day he'll come back to who I fell in love with". I wanted him around in five years, but in those five years a totally different person has appeared. Has grown up through who he was and now the shadow is strangling the person, the man I knew.

And I've been finding myself thinking, wondering... will that person ever resurface? I mean, the one there now is a good enough man, in his way. But he's not who I met, fell in love with or want to be with the rest of my life.

Anyway. You always make me think.

Here here!!!!!

[kroyd.livejournal.com]

I second that.
It's a beautiful thing!!!!