anger needs to be handled with gentle skill for it to be useful

[thoreau]

Unfortunately in politics? People get emotional - and emotional turns (far faster than any of us would like to admit) to anger. People have a right to be angry when they see a poll that says 47% of Californians say they'll vote for Prop 8. With some space between yesterday's onslaught and some meditation and thought about it?

I totally understand why folks are angry.

They are frustrated..

and well - when it is right on the surface then KDFC or KOIT play a YES ON 8 Ad - - this Yes on 8 ad that is full of wild exaggerations and (depending on your point of view) lies. You hear THAT ad on a radio station known to be #1 in the market - a radio station you get evangelical over because it's a brilliant example of our culture here in SF - a polished, cultured - focused Classical Station... but all that love for KDFC goes away very quickly when your anger takes over.

You think - they wouldn't run the ad if they had a choice would they? of course not - that means - well - that means they must endorse the ad - despite the fact that there are PSA's from the station manager running saying that there are lots of ads running - that KDFC doesn't support ANY of them - and that we'll all get our say November 4th.

You have all that simmering anger under the surface - and you scream BOYCOTT before even thinking - then you think - oh - that LJ'er that posts his posters and graphics from those stations - he's gay and he works somewhere that supports antigay advertisers.

and the anger spiral gets more intense - why - why he's a TRAITOR to the gay community - why he was AT my marriage but is complicit with the enemy - why I know he's asked gays to get involved but sits in his office and does work for a company that is complicit in the Yes on 8 campaign?

It's not hard to see how anger - if not managed properly - can spiral quickly out of control.

To quote truthfeather from my journal post, "anger needs to be handled with gentle skill for it to be useful."

These folks decided to use a sledge hammer and post my personal email and photograph to the web -

Does it matter who it was - not really. I'm actually glad that I couldn't track it back to the source. but as soon as I pointed out on LJ that it had been done? it stopped almost as quickly as it started.

People need to vote NO on 8 - and people need to understand fighting for our civil rights in situations like "No on 8" costs money and break out their goddamn checkbooks.

I mean - seriously now.

All us fags should be giving till we were outspending the other side on Fabulous impactful advertising - but no - the campaign chair has to beg on their website. Somehow people think No On 8 will win just because it is right, without any sacrifice financially required from the very community it's trying to protect. It shows just how short-sighted a lot of very open-minded supporters of No on 8's position can be.

How about giving up the $9 cocktails for a night and taking that $75 to $100 and giving it to the No on 8 campaign?

Or skip that $80 meal at the french restaurant you and your partner love and donate the dollars to No on 8.

or take the $200 you'd spend on a pair of tickets to the Opera - and donate that money to No on 8.

or if you are on a small budget - give up your $20 movie rentals for the month - and donate that money to No on 8.

or skip the trip to that Cantina at Church and Market - with the great fajitas - and donate that $20 you'd spend on burritos and Coronas.... and donate that money to No on 8.

or park your car - and instead of putting $40 in the gas tank - donate that money to No on 8.

Sacrifice a little.

Meanwhile, the opposition has The Knights of Columbus and Mormon Church money pouring into the Yes on 8 infrastructure.

I'm not justifying the behavior that I experienced from some folks via email and here on Livejournal, not at all --- but I wanted to lay it all out here - and say that I can, at least, clearly understand where it came from.... and then let it fall off my back like water off of a duck.

I'm been in far worse political scrapes - I've faced down committee chairpersons in front of television cameras on the "definition" of hate - walked door to door in hostile neighborhoods - and looked a politician in the eye and told him "Game On!" when he introduced anti-gay - or anti-choice legislation. So this is really not unfamiliar territory.

Thanks to everyone who gave me space and let me spend a day or so thinking all this through.....

Comments

[bembacolora.livejournal.com]

Anyone who actually reads your lj knows that the finger should never have been wagging at you. Displaced anger can be a terrible thing. I'm glad to see you have worked through it and have come to terms with how stupid people can be.

[joebehrsandiego.livejournal.com]

Robert - I just hope the guys who reacted so strongly and inappropriately last time, pay attention and take your advice this time.

[surewood31.livejournal.com]

Don't be surprised if they don't. Those who are quick to jump off the handle aren't known for their ability to patiently read the fine print.

[scream4noreason.livejournal.com]

You're being way more gracious than I would be.The person defamed you,and they need to understand what they did is not right.

[jkusters]

Thanks for this. It saddens me that people sought you out as a personal target for their anger. While it may be understandable from the perspective you've achieved, it still seems wrong and hot-tempered to me. I'm glad you can let it wash over you and not wash you away.

For what it's worth, my partner and I gave a large contribution to the No campaign, a number larger than I've given to any cause before. It was really pretty scary to click that submit button knowing it will hit our account pretty hard, but it's just money, and the toys we would have bought with it can be bought later when we've saved up again. I've challenged my gay friends to step up as well, and it looks like many of them are, either through money or time (phone banking and such). Still working on a few holdouts. As soon as I have a good amount of time away from work, I'll be drafting and sending a plea to family and straight friends as well.

[holy13nation.livejournal.com]

I was pretty astounded at the more vitriolic and saddened at the more personally slanted. You are not the only person who has to balance income with belief and principle. Shit, in truth that's what the most of us do.
And your point about the lack of funding and where it should come from is spot on and, unfortunately, very true of most issues that affect gay men today.
I speak as one of the most apathetic.

[gorkabear.livejournal.com]

The whole thing of being you attacked personally is completely off. It's so idiot!
As scream4noreason says, you are far more gracious than I could ever be. I'd be mad and pissed.

You do a great work, you're a great person.

You know? I'm going to 50 bucks as well (38 euros) - and I'm not even from the same continent. Not sure if they will accept them...

[bear-left.livejournal.com]

This is beautiful, Robert; I'm truly moved by your grace under fire.

[saintcahier.livejournal.com]

The fact is that, though boycotting may be an appropriate strategy in a few instances, it's usually cheap, easy and passive. And, often, inneffective.

Contributing money or time is much more useful, but then, much less comfortable.

And I totally agree about anger management. Well managed, it gives focus, badly manages, it just blinds.

[jimwnyc.livejournal.com]

Know what we know...you are an amazing man. Talented and thoughtful. You do a great job at your job and are a GREAT part of the GLBT community. Hang in there.

My latest "thought" for the world?

We all need to leearn to disagree without being disagreeable!

PEACE!

[quirkstreet.livejournal.com]

I've been on the receiving end of the kind of shit you took. It sucks.

I've *also* been on the giving end. And let me tell you: when you discover you've maligned someone, not just UNFAIRLY in a personal sense boo-hoo, but with your FACTS all wrong ... and when they struggle graciously, but very hurt, to tell you that they get why you made the mistake but you still cost them sleepless nights that they could have been using to rest up and go back into the struggle for queer rights ....

... well then you have a choice to make about where your priorities lie: getting your feelings off your chest, or doing something that really leads to equality and that doesn't destroy your allies in the process.

I hope whoever did this to you got a little wakeup call.

And I'm glad you're coming through it okay, honey.

[hereticsoul.livejournal.com]

You're an amazing man, Robert. I don't know if I could be as gracious this quickly after being vilified in such a personal way over something I had no personal control over.

I'm glad your employer is taking some pains to point out to the listeners that they have no legal choice but to run this advertising. And I'm glad you took the pains to share this information. It certainly colors my own reactions to broadcasters who run political ads I find offensive in my own media market.

I'm glad to know the e-mail attacks came to a swift end. And I pray that whoever got this ball rolling finds some way, with or without identifying themselves, of making amends.

[jodfoster.livejournal.com]

I am proud of you, Robert. You stood your ground and explained the situation. It's very easy for people to sit at their computers and judge judge judge, without knowing the facts, the situation, or even the context. If everyone who wrote the emails put money where their hateful mouths are, No on 8 might be doing a little better. The political season is always filled with anger but this year it feels so much worse. Misdirected anger is such a dangerous thing...

*smooooches*

[surewood31.livejournal.com]

I still love the low fat muffin (hopefully blueberry)

Yeah, ugh, Knights of Columbus. I'm still irritated about that. Need to have a talk with my uncle.

[kenwoodville.livejournal.com]

Robert,it saddens me that some people would treat you like this...anybody that knows you, or has read your journal for any length of time should know that Prop 8 is not something you would be advocating, personally nor professionally.

Hugs go out to you...

[balanceinchaos.livejournal.com]

I am so glad to hear that you're rebounding from an unexpected and immature attack, and agree with all your words. even though I'm not in california, so I can't vote... I can help with what meager financial support I can lend (grad-students aren't known for being cash cows).

Can you pop up another link to the best site to send support (money) to?

[low-fat-muffin.livejournal.com]

https://secure.ga4.org/01/unfair

[balanceinchaos.livejournal.com]

Donation Made!

When I have time, i'll use the personal donation page link and create a page to send friends and family to.

Edit: I put the link up in my yahoo group... hopefully that will get some donations.

[zacki1978.livejournal.com]

Great. Concise. Well Thought. Well Written.

[starzinked.livejournal.com]

Bravo.

[ruralrob.livejournal.com]

You're a classy guy, muffinman. You've handled this really well. Congratulations - and I'm so glad you're on my friends list.

[dendren.livejournal.com]

very nicely put and handled mister... course it's not a surprise from you at all :)

[tatsf.livejournal.com]

A beautiful example of grace under pressure. I'm sorry that you had to spend time, energy, and space sorting this. Very well put! You're a good man Robert!

[truthfeather.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to have expressed something of benefit. One of my mentors used the metaphor of anger as a match. Used to light a candle, it dispels darkness, and calls attention to injustice. Tossed in the brush it is a conflagration that can burn out of control, doing tremendous damage. But often the best choice is actually to blow out the match, and use something other than anger. The more intense the anger, the more restraint it requires.